HRP LETTER SERIES: Falling in Love With Yourself.
Dear friend,
It’s a sunny side up here, and it feels great writing to you today about falling in love with yourself.
Have you ever fallen in love before? It’s not rhetorical friend, give me the gist in the comment section.
It’s magical right? You smile when you think of him/her, you are stuck in some world where he/she is perfect, even the wrongs you see are flaws you believe you can change by the “magical power” of love. You cannot wait to nestle this person with words of affection, your time and even get held by him/her. You want to shower this person with gifts of all you have and can acquire because you do not imagine life without him/her. The very essence of this person is what you want to have and where you want to dwell.
Loving this person is harder when you wait to have this person look at you the same way. You are so impatient and afraid, so much that you stutter in his/her gaze. This is falling in love.
It is accepting this person for who he/she is. You see the wrongs but love covers it all, that’s love. But right there, it’s hard interpreting this same actions on yourself. You know this, we all do, so let’s walk the path together.
At 14, I’d say I think I loved myself. Yet I made wrong decisions, really bad ones. I looked up to God to forgive me, I looked up to man’s approval and that had been my hope for living for a long time. I truly see no problem holding onto God’s forgiveness but I learnt but would never practice, “God’s bigger than you, if He can forgive you, why can’t you forgive yourself?”.
The true test for self-love is self-acceptance. It is what makes you realise that you have to forgive yourself. It is what makes you see your flaws and still look upon yourself with love the same way you’d do with those magical powers of love on the one you love, only now change is within your power.
So life went on the basis of “what would they say?”, writing about it didn’t change that powerful question. It is powerful negatively and rarely positively (the point is it’s still powerful). It was powerful as long as I held the gaze, standards, accomplishments of life by how perfect life had to be interpreted. It was the opposite of self-acceptance and it meant I hadn’t learn to love me.
This is one box we find ourselves as people trying to get by without hurting anyone by how we live our very own lives. That way no one truly knows how to help us. It takes loving yourself to be true to yourself. You unfortunately can’t seek help till you are true to yourself.
Falling in love with yourself is letting go of what’s around you and looking at yourself introspectively. It’s asking simple questions like: When was the last time I took a bath because it’s healthy for me and not because I have to look good to work? When was the last time I ate a good meal because my body needs the nutrients not because I was told to? Grow up!
Parenting counselors tell us about transition stages in life where parents have to let go and allow their children walk their own paths, make their own decisions and do their chores by themselves, this is hard. A lot of parents find the breaking off impossible to do. In fact African youths struggle with the age limit for a youth to stay apart and start life on his/her own, some of the respective countries do not enable this process with unfavorable systems however it is needed. This times become the true test of self love. It questions, what can you do for you?
It’s easier to love a god you can see, it takes faith to love a God you cannot see so don’t beat yourself up, it’s quite easier to fall in love with an external figure than with yourself. As long as you do not carry a mirror about like Johnny Bravo, this might seem herculean. You in fact have a glimpse of yourself, but there’s the inner you you need to listen to and speak words to. The inner you you need to be in touch with for deep thoughts in silence. Self-love is coming in touch with your inner self. It’s forming a personal connection with yourself, so much that you begin to believe in your abilities, your potentials and power.
Falling in love with yourself is being your first best friend. The way you mom your best friend, that’s who you should be to yourself when you act up and the way you cheer your best friend in good seasons, learn to pat yourself in the back.
Loneliness is different from this. When you truly fall in love with yourself, you fall in love with your company and you become lovable to people out there. A lot of people want to be with you but till you truly show yourself how much love you can give to yourself, they cannot trust you with themselves. Do ensure to stop the gist about having people who love you for you. It really means these people love the self-accepted you, the you you already love.
Till we meet again, live your best life, your dreams and all, never trading it with anyone. Be the best version of you and watch love come to you. Do drop your comments and if you have any personal questions, send them to info@hisrulepub.com.ng. Have an awesome week.
Yours truly,
His Rule Publication.