FEELINGS
How well do you know me?
I have no strength
But I want it all
I have no knowledge
But all I do is dream
There’s nothing I can do
But struggle in vain like an idiot
—Listen to me
I know no matter how deeply
You have fallen into a pit of darkness
You still have enough courage
To reach out your hands
I can’t do anything alone
I’m lacking in everything
I’m just a weakling
So fragile and small
Not even sure
I can keep walking straight.
—I love the way you move
When you’re walking
Whenever we’re walking together
I love the way you patiently turn
To make sure I’m keeping up with you
And never leave me behind
Do you have any idea of what I did with my life?
I did nothing
I had all that time and freedom
I could have anything with my life
But I never did a damn thing
—There’s something that I do know
About all this
You’re someone that can’t give up
When you’re half way through.
I hate MYSELF
I’ve never done a single thing worth mentioning
Yet I complain like a pro
Who the hell do I think I am?!
I’m a fraud
—When you said you hate yourself
And told me other reasons
Why you feel that way
It made me want to counter
Those reasons and tell you
Absolutely wonderful things I know
And love about you
I love the sound of your voice
Just hearing you
Say a single word
Makes my heart flatter
And feel warmer
I love it when you
Run your hands over my hair
I feel it’s a way we can understand each other
Without saying a word
Just through that bit of contact.
All of my powerlessness
All of my incompetence
Is the product of my rotten
And pathetic character
—I love how much of you
I see in your eyes
I love the way you look when you sleep
You seem unguarded like an infant
And your eyelashes are so long
I have no character
I wasn’t trying to get stronger
Or trying to make things better
I’m the lowest of the low
I absolutely hate myself
I have given up
Carrying it all
Was impossible from the very start
My hands are so small
That it all slipped
Through my fingers
Leaving nothing behind
—I love your fingers
For a boy they are so delicate
But when they hold mine
I know that strong slender
Fingers of a man
They make me feel safe.
I’ve never done anything
No one believes in me
No one believes in listening to me
No one expects anything of me
—I do believe in you
Even when no one else does
The way you talk
The way you walk
It’s just so electrifying!
I LOVE YOU!
—Adewale Afifabi