His Rule Publication

HRP LETTER SERIES: Letter to my friend about forgiveness

Dear friend,

I do hope your weekend went well. It’s a new week and I don’t plan to lecture you on forgiving others but I definitely want to expand the phrase, “forgive and forget”.

Friend, I hope you know forgive and forget doesn’t exist in the Holy Book or any solid ethical scroll, so it’s quite a myth when we say forgive and forget.

Breaking the mug and feeling sorry doesn’t change the state of the mug and I say so as an advocate of the word, “sorry”, do read our review on the five apology languages for more information on this. We all have one or two basic languages we use to seek forgiveness, the only problem, friend is when you expect the offended person to forget. It’s almost impossible.

Forgiveness heals both the offender and the offended one but in the real sense, the scar is still there and the relationship you once had might be put to rest or need time to continue.

The sad part of an offence is broken trust isn’t just fixed. It takes patience, and for a lot of people that means giving them time and sometimes space to heal. Maybe my words can be more specific, YOU DON’T FORCE HEALING. Friend, doing so will hurt you perhaps more and when you’re broken, the person you offended might be healed. In that case you have washed off your guilt on him or her. Then you begin to prove your hurt, at this point you’re no longer seeking forgiveness, you’re demanding an apology for suffering too.

Personally, I have earned scars from situations like this, it’s hard to forget yet I cannot blame my friend for not forgiving me when I wanted it. Forgiveness is sadly not demanded, it is given. You accept it when it is given to you, you don’t demand it. It is wise not to take up scars while seeking the bond of trust—one person has to be strong.

Forgive yourself by all means because it would become a stronghold in the healing process if you don’t. Earn the forgiveness you can obtain now which is forgiving yourself first.

Secondly, learn to give it time—wait for healing. Make amends and be open to restore trust, you could even go further by asking what you could do to repair the broken trust.

Till we meet again, it takes time to rebuild broken trust, be patient. Make sure to send in your suggestions for topics you think I should write about via hisrulepublications@gmail.com or info@hisrulepub.com.ng. Have a great week!

Yours truly,

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