HRP LETTER SERIES: LETTER TO MY FRIEND ABOUT MY UNSAID WORDS
It’s been a while and it feels great to be back on this side writing to you. Yes, I missed you, thanks for all the unheard words of love *winks*. I do hope your week was awesome. It’s a better and blank week here and how we scribble on it matters. There’s so much to say however there is the challenge of how best to pass the message which is why I write to you on “unsaid words”.
Let me share a story with you: Nike and Lola are two of my very good friends and they are quite closer than I am to each of them. However, about a month ago, Nike called to ask for my help on how to approach Lola concerning her “loudness”. In her words, “Lola doesn’t know how to speak in public, she’s so loud and hasn’t learnt how to comport herself, she literally embarrassed me in front of my crush, she was like, girl adjust your blouse jor and it was so loud everyone on our table heard”. The problem wasn’t just that, she just didn’t know how to tell her without getting back at, she said the last time she tried, Lola literally used it against her by saying, “before you will tell me I don’t know how to talk, please can I have permission”. The height of it was when Lola came to me a week ago to complain about Nike too.
It’s obvious there’s this one thing (or more) we want to say to our very special friends but we are just afraid of the repercussions. How are you in fact going to take my words written here today friend?
The truth is often bitter but it always feels great to know it and especially hear it from a friend. It hurts more to hear it from strangers. There are more than a thousand and one stories to explain how painful it is to hear the truth from someone else when you have friends who could tell you but are afraid of you. Before you start thinking of changing your circle of friends, let’s hit the brook.
The problem is how you react when I(your friend) tell you the truth. Can you remember how you got angry the last time when talked to about your attitude or how you flared up and walked away or how you hung up. No one’s happy to be treated like a wall people walk away from because of a fault that needs to be discussed. Perhaps you would listen more and react less.
My letter to you wouldn’t be complete without me telling you about how we bring the words back in the future using the words of friends back at them, indirectly saying “whatever you said is in your pocket”. I know you might be practically laughing now friend but there’s more to all of this.
A quick guess is we probably are so comfortable with how we are and ‘change’ is sometimes quite a threat to us. The truth does make one feel uncomfortable, nevertheless it’s the best thing to hear from a friend, our reaction is the huge stumbling block though.
One of the best ways to break the loop of reaction is to listen, be thankful for the truth and not react immediately. Think through thoroughly and if you don’t like the approach from which the correction came, do well to find a way of saying so while you’re thinking through to tell your friend.
Till we meet again friend, don’t lose your friends to your reactions, think through first. I would be glad to get your feedback on this via your comments and messages, is there something you would like me to write about, do message me on firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com or via whatsapp at 09057180149. Till then, have a great week!
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