HRP LETTER SERIES: Letter To My Friend About The Missed Calls
This is probably not what you would expect on a Monday as a letter to you but well, I think it has thus far become impending to discuss. I’m hoping you are well despite what’s going on around you. I’m hoping my letter to you eases some stress off of you, which is why I’m writing on “the missed calls”. With social distancing, the easiest way to reach out is the phone and it’s easy to pull away too friend.
One of the famous places of misinterpretation has been through the phone. It sparks distrust and there’s often no easy way of communicating trust back to an unwilling friend. You may feel messed up but then the facts are always incomplete but the truth stands. And sadly the facts seem to point to some truth.
My illustration: you are having a long shower clearing your head after a rough day and your phone is left to charge. On coming out, you have 3 missed calls from a favorite friend. You decide to call back and then that perturbing aunt comes for a visit and is asking you questions. You struggle with priority of your friend and the scar of an aunt painting you as disrespectful and you drop the phone making a mental note of calling back which you forget. Your friend calls again while in the midst of a family meeting, when you get up to make an excuse all eyes are on you. You quip and quickly tell your friend you’d call back. You forget again till you get more missed calls on your silenced phone accompanied with messages that you don’t care.
You are faced with your internal struggles, your friend is faced with low attention and rejection. No one’s right and no one is wrong, everyone is just suffering from a misinterpretation of love. This is because friend, we love people so much that we have a mark/standard for them and each time they fail, we lose trust both in the love we have towards them and in our reasoning of what love really is from them.
Friend, not to be biased but I hate phone arguments as much as I resent the settlements but it’s all we’ve got now. We cannot look into his or her eyes to search for the truth amidst fact, we cannot share a friendly fist bump to end the feud. We are left with that little trust and the love we claim to have.
There is in fact a hidden twist that might happen after this long separation, we might finally find out how resistant the seed of our love is despite the facts that may stare us in the face. So what do we do?
Everyone definitely has some solution but firstly, we can learn to actively listen to one side of the story. Practise the method of asking before you accuse. Learn to ask why it happened even though you are hurt. This is well beyond missed calls but missed calls in our context today is broadened to feuds in relationships. They start with as little as a missed call.
Secondly, friend what you think may have happened might be different from what played out in your friend’s mind. Often your friend may have insecurities yet discussed and emotions yet exposed, things they are unwilling to tell you they are battling with so they don’t hurt you. This is why your love for them needs to create that space called a benefit of doubt. Facts say by the illustration above, He doesn’t care, he has prioritised family over you. The truth says he cares about what they have to say about you, so he saves himself the hurt of what they have to say by keeping the call for later. Resolution says, a quick text could have been sent with the popping call bar. It could have been sent from either parties if one wasn’t drawing conclusions.
Amidst all that’s going on around you right now, you need people, you need your friend. You may not be able to say it how it truly is, you might feel weak about explaining yourself so you readily let go, please don’t. Mend the ties, apologize and maybe tell the truth from your heart with faith that you’d be listened to. And then, my other friend don’t jump into a conclusion, things weren’t like this before there’s got to be something going on, listen. Ask before you accuse.
Till we meet again friend, there’s also an obvious disinterest in being online or with a phone these days because of ready tools to fuel anxiety and the congestion for people who are claustrophobic. Ask what’s lying underneath and friend, text when you really don’t want to talk. It’s okay not to feel like it. Respect your space. Do drop a comment, I really want to know what you think and for personal questions mail me at [email protected] or via whatsapp at 09057180149.
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