IS HE/SHE REALLY FINE?
We have all had simple conversations with people. “Hello! hello! How are you? I’m fine”, and that’s the end yet there’s so much that could be behind those words, “I’m fine”, so much that could keep you in awe, so much that could make you weep. At the end of the day, the answer, “I’m fine”, is more or less a lie and quite questionable.
Social media has opened us up for easy connection with people around us. It has opened us up for ease at helping people emotionally. It’s like speaking from a radio station with thousands of listeners who can’t see you, so when these people are crying or laughing you may not know but the best that could happen is them opening up. However, these questions need to be answered: “What is how are you?” and “how do I open up when I can’t trust you?”
“How are you” is simply requesting your state of health physically, psychologically and emotionally. It is deeper than the answer given because everyone is giving the same answer. If we had to be truthful to ourselves almost everyone isn’t fine but we all try to hold up ourselves and be strong for others
To answer the second question, I must say that leaning on a friend can take a different shape of openness if one person is willing to sacrifice the shame of a problem just to let the other open up. Trust isn’t built among secrets, mind you, don’t let too much, know the exact experience you need to share at a particular point in time. No one will be willing to explain his or her problems to you if you aren’t willing to share a little of yours or if you haven’t been taking note to show you care.
Even though life may seem hard, there are victory stories to share. We have all passed through one thing or the other so as to strengthen someone else. This is a cue to help someone, take time to share some of those lessons specifically. There’s always something you can give to someone even from your own experience.
Testimony time is sometimes a challenging period in church, people come out and share their different experiences and how they overcame. The most painful factor is we find out that this person sits next to us and when the pastor says, “ask your neighbour how do you do?”, he/ she will reply fine, whereas he/she isn’t fine.
The nail on this matter is we need to push harder. When your pastor makes the call may not be the best time but try to call someone, or chat him/her up. If he/she isn’t opening up, drop words of encouragement. You may not be the person’s choice of a shoulder to lean on but always show you care. Stir up people to believe they can make it even when life roars at them. Believe me it also works its way into healing your pains too.