The African society is tied up with norms and background values. Overtime, it has become quite easier to stick with the system we are used to even though we feel pained by it.

One of such incidents is an old father seeking love from his children; children who always ran into their rooms immediately he walked in. This is because the children always pictured him as a lion. Work might be important but a terrible factor is for your maid to replace you in your home because you are feared or because you want to be feared as a woman. In lots of homes, the man is quiet, the woman is shouting- she sometimes feels she can put him under; she is feared but not respected.

You don’t expect the child or adult who fears you to share his/her dream with you. You reap what you sow, who wants to have anything special to do with a lion anyway.

The old computer mantra, “garbage in-garbage out”, is a best fit for this. You cannot expect an unexpected output for a given input. You don’t grind stone and expect sugar. It is the same with most homes today. Whatever the system had been while your household grew, you shouldn’t expect something different in the nearest future except by a sacrifice.

The fact is children who grow around so much fear and violence react to people they feel they are powerful than…”it is a tradition at home so why don’t I look for my own match”, is the thought going through his/her head. A fearful home, a fearful child, a fearful adult. As long as he wants no one to see his own fears, he infects others with fear too so don’t blame him for being a bully.

The norms we had been groomed by explained that we should be careful not to let our kids poke our eyes. So we perhaps sat them down and said, “when I come in, don’t jump on me! You are no longer a kid. So the adult kid saw you when you got back, greeted you and walked back to his domain. It might be with an affirmation earning respect but that is fear.

Respect is the acknowledgement of power amidst the powerful and powerless, it is the easiest seed to be noticed through a humble but loving character and aura expressed in an individual. When you are respected, your identity and worth need not be told, it is known.

A dialogue between some children really amazes me and I bet it would to you too.

A: I won’t do this because they love me and I respect my mum and dad, and it would be disappointing.

(Respect issues a standard to live up to)

B: They have done their worst, perhaps there’s something worse than her worst, I’ll see

(Fear issues the face of the lion you are familiar with, it puts you in a battle.

We have survived through the norms telling us to be feared and gain respect, we have achieved the fears but with a lot of scars left behind. Some people will forever have a demon’s profile in our hearts, “Oh that man is wicked” and so on.

When you walk into an environment with opportunities to relate with people remember it’s not about being the good guy, it’s about being the man who in 2 minutes can command respect not by pulling people down or talking at them as a show/display of power (fear). You may never reach the people you love if they fear you. Don’t be the old guy seeking attention. Gain respect.