Sex is desirable even by people who have never delved into it. The mere mention of it even in religious gatherings sparks a flame of excitement and curiosity. The theoretical excitement has gone beyond to the practicality of it beyond the four walls of a relationship or commitment. So even when we talk about relationships, sex is the highlight of the moment. People are willing to endure hours of “boring” lecture awaiting their favorite sex therapist. So it’s a “saving the best for last” situation.

So where does the term temporary boyfriend or girlfriend fit in? The commitment of he’s my boyfriend or she’s my girlfriend gives way for the practicality of sex in most cases in this age. So conversations with the crew(friends or even colleagues) end up being focused on how last night was because well you’ve both moved in together. The problem becomes how “last night” grows more important than the specific details of your days spent together and when all’s seen and done, we feel something is wrong; the relationship (that’s what it’s called) feels wrong. We want more and the problem isn’t you, it’s how he holds you close, it’s not enough, or she’s not satisfying or we are not just connecting enough, so it’s both of us, so it ends with ‘let’s take a break to understand what’s going on’.

The break leads to meeting someone new, a first kiss and eventual realisation that you have a new connection. Never minding the fact that a break keeps you desiring something new, watching romantic movies, listening to blues, all feeding your subconscious for a renewal of commitment. This is normal.

A lot of us have ended up in this “normal” cycle of life fed by our unwitting attitude towards life. Maybe if we could be a lot more conscious about the bonds we are building, we wouldn’t break and make for a desire to fulfil our sexual fantasies which keep rising with every conversation and insightful relationship conference. Maybe we could really understand that temporary and commitment don’t actually go hand in hand.

A relationship is hard work, it’s a practical ship you sail amidst the seas of distrust, financial upheaval, the past and dislike for or from certain people around your new partner. Relationship is more than sex, it is friendship first.

It’s understandable that some people never plan to have a long term relationship like marriage but if having a good relationship which leads to marriage is essential to you, think of the scenario of spending 12 hours away from your partner daily, 6 hours to sleep, and 6 for your partner, would it be spent on sex alone? If our priorities lay on sex alone, we lose connection. As much as we like our favorite food, we don’t eat it all the time. Learn to build important connections that last, that is commitment. Being committed to making your relationship work is past making sex a priority. So the next time you read a romance novel understand what it is, a “romance” novel with more scenes of romance and not a guide to having a good relationship or building connections or family.

Don’t walk into a relationship because of a desire to fulfil a sexual desire. A relationship isn’t a motel, it is real people getting hurt. We carry baggage with each relationship waiting to dump it off on an innocent soul when we are finally ready to commit and settle.

We are to enjoy life, to live it but we are to experience it with some dignity building what matters and being committed to someone. No one is enough for you if you keep looking for more. Rather than seek more outside your relationship, build more within. Don’t end your search when your eyes become foggy and you have to remove your molars and premolars every other week. Build friendship, be truly in love, be committed to that special person and learn to speak the truth to him or her. Everyone needs to grow, you came from a different background to teach someone else what they really don’t know. Sex is not a seal for a start of something new.